Jessica and I had a day just the two of us yesterday (Wednesday 14 March). My mother and father-in-law were meant to come over in the afternoon but I had to call them back and postpone, as Jessica was being very demanding: as soon as I put her down anywhere to do something else, she complained bitterly. I suspect that she’s suffering from trapped wind (I keep feeling bubbles inside her stomach and she often writhes, tenses up, pulls her legs up to her tummy and goes red in the face before she screams) and perhaps is trying to soothe this by feeding. Which means that there’s a lot of ‘stopping and starting’ – she’ll attach to feed then fall asleep on my lap a few minutes later seemingly not actually hungry – comfort feeding, basically. The reassuring thing is that she isn’t constantly screaming, so I’m assuming we’re not talking excrutiating and incessant pain… Started giving her Infacol again, as this should help ease the trapped wind by assisting her burping, but it does take a while to ‘kick in’ and I’ve been told it doesn’t always work. Our friend Anna told me that a teaspoon of boiled, cooled water worked wonders with her firstborn Gemma’s trapped wind, so I will certainly try that.
The breastfeeding is still a bit so-so, but at least Jessica hasn’t given up on it and does attach brilliantly sometimes. She’s still not getting enough food, though, so I’m pumping lots and there’s the odd bottle of formula too. Thanks very much for your comment on the ‘Feeding skills’ entry, Mia – I really appreciate it! It reassured me that I’m not being a bad or inadequate mum, there’s nothing wrong with topping up from a bottle, and mixing breast and bottle does work. Have found that as a new mum it’s easy to feel very alone sometimes, and what you hear from midwives and health visitors usually is in the realms of ‘in an ideal world’ scenarios, but it makes you think you have to keep pushing and pushing yourself and you’re doing something wrong if your experience doesn’t fit with that…
In the afternoon Jessica and I went out for our first walk together, for a bit of time out from the on/off feeding and some sunshine and fresh air. Funny how the simplest of things can make you feel really apprehensive… Just the thought of bringing the pram down the two flights of stairs and assembling it on my own and worries that the outing would turn into a complicated and time-consuming expedition had put me off going out without Ian for about a week. But it turned out to be a hassle-free and even enjoyable experience! Well, Jessica slept through most of it, but I relished getting out of the flat. Didn’t walk very far: just around the town centre and over to Redhill Memorial Park. Sat down on a bench and felt completely spaced out, mushy-brained and bleary-eyed. Am coping with the lack of sleep but, boy, do I miss our comfy bed and long, lovely, snoozy lie-ins sometimes…!
Jessica’s been smiling very regularly indeed from day 2 – it’s the loveliest smile in the world, with a little dimple on her left cheek, and it completely melts your heart every time…! We know, of course, that it can’t be intentional smiles at this stage – she’s just working out what her facial muscles are up to – but every time I see it I remember why we’re doing this, why it’s so completely worth it.
Gabriella