I guess we’re getting a little bit into every day life now, and each day feels a little bit less daunting for me. In the mornings I bring Conrad downstairs around 5am, wash and change him, then give him a feed when he’s ready for that. If things work out reasonably well, he’s all fed, burped and settled in the carry cot in the living room before I go to fetch his big sister for breakfast and bath. After Conrad’s had his next feed, at 8/8.30am as it tends to be, I take them both out in the pushchair, sometimes to the shops but lately it’s more often than not turned out to be the playground in the park. After Jessica’s had a go at the swings and anything else she might fancy we go back home again, when it’s time for Jessica’s morning bottle and, around 10.30/11am, nap.
When Jessica naps is pretty much the only time I get to spend properly with Conrad, without him being grizzly and unsettled as in the evenings or night time. I like to sit on the sofa and hold him for a bit, sometimes I’ve made both of us as comfortable as I can and dozed off myself with him in my arms – it’s lovely to hear his delicate little breath in my ear and feel his little head resting on my shoulder.
I do try to make plans for the three of us to see people if I can, though – apart from wanting to be sociable, it works well to keep Jessica busy and distracted so she’s less likely to be jealous of me tending to Conrad, plus it’s always nice to see Conrad admired by others…!
It seems Jessica is getting used to Conrad being around, and she entertains herself more and more on her own. At the moment, Conrad spends most of his days sleeping in the carry cot up on the old gramophone, but it won’t be too long until he’s awake more and I will want to put him in a baby bouncer or baby gym to give him more to look at and eventually do. I’m thinking things will be trickier then, as I will need to stay nearby at all times when Jessica’s around. She wouldn’t want to hurt him, of course, but she could do so by accident. I reckon the toughest times are still to come – I’ve ain’t seen nothing yet…
Sunday (13 July) Ian and I took Conrad and his sister over to Earlswood Lakes, for some fresh air, Conrad to have a feed in the great outdoors and Jessica to run around a bit more freely. We took a stroll around the lakes, fed the ducks and swans and, true to form, Conrad snoozed through most of it.
I have forgotten to mention, by the way, that when he was a couple of weeks old, I discovered a birth mark in Conrad’s right palm: a small, round, red dot about the size of a petite pois. It can well have been there since he was born, but he’s kept his little fists clenched so well that I didn’t spot it. I’m curious as to whether it’ll stay or whether it’s the sort of thing that’ll fade away with time.
I’m hardly expressing anymore now, and it still feels like such a shame, but I realise that there’s nothing I can do about it. Conrad’s having pretty much formula only now and I only hope it won’t make his tummy troubles worse, as I’ve heard that formula can cause constipation in babies. We’re avoiding the powder for now, anyway, using only the tetra carton-packed, ready-mixed stuff, probably until Conrad’s about 6 months.
Gabriella
PS The health visitor was just here – Conrad now weighs 5.57 kilos (12lb 4oz) – and when I told her I’d decided to stop expressing and feed Conrad formula, she said: “Can I just say, I think you’ve made the right decision”. She added that she knew plenty of breastfed babies with allergies and lots of formula-fed babies that were as healthy as anything, so I shouldn’t let any concerns for Conrad’s future health make me feel bad about not expressing. I’ve only had support from Ian, friends and family regarding this, so I know it’s the right thing to do.