Jessica’s blog.

Though weather has been absolutely fantastic for a couple of days, it’s overcast and a bit muggy today – just in time for the long Bank Holiday weekend…! Was going to write a few lines about our routines in the mornings: for about a week now, Jessica’s regularly fed at about 5am, I’ve put her back in her cot afterwards and she’s slept until about 8-8.15am. If I’ve spotted her at that point and said “God morgon Jessica”, she’s given me a big smile and started to wriggle excitedly. So I’ve picked her up, changed her clothes and nappy and given her a wash. Then we’ve had time for a little conversation before her hunger’s kicked in around 8.30 and she’s had breakfast. (During and after breakfast, by the way, she usually has a conversation with the corner of the bookshelves by the sofa – she stares at it over my shoulder with a big smile on her face, giggles and talks to it, and I have no idea what it is that she can possibly find so fascinating…!)

But as it happens, last night was an exception: she woke up at around 2.30am and wanted food, and then she wanted to play and certainly not to go back to sleep in her cot – I knew she was tired because she’d start to nod off in my arms but as soon as I put her down in her cot she’d stir and protest. After a couple of hours I gave her a bit more food, she started to nod off on my lap again, I moved her to the cot. She got a bit confused as she ‘hit’ the mattress and flailed her arms a bit, but only seconds later she’d fallen asleep. Sometimes it’s really tempting to let her just fall asleep in my arms and sneak her into the cot (would mean more sleep for both me and Ian) but then I’m concerned that I’d be conditioning her to only go to sleep in our arms and that’s not a situation we’ll want to be in a few months down the line. I guess there’ll be nights of all kinds still to come…

Gabriella

First session of a post-natal group, arranged by the NHS, took place at the hospital at 10 to 12 this morning. Involved me taking Jessica, and the pram, on one of the the local buses for the first time. This went really well, though – not too busy on the bus (something I’d been a bit concerned about) so the pram fitted in well onboard. Jessica was a bit grizzly in the morning after feeding – seemingly out of tiredness, although she had only woken up a little while earlier. But then I have noticed a few times recently that she sometimes lies awake in her cot, quietly sucking her hand and looking out into the dark of the room, so maybe she spends a fair amount of the night actually awake…? She goes back to sleep on her own, though – she must be, as she stirs and wakes later in the morning when she wants breakfast (that’s at 5 or 5.30am almost every night now).

We were a few minutes late to the post-natal group session but we weren’t the last ones to arrive. Jessica slept through the whole thing, which was noted on by a few other mums (“oh, your baby’s good!”): there were lots of babies in the room and they all cried for attention at some point, quite often several of them at the same time… As a natural consequence the session got a bit disjointed, with different mums having to get up and pace, rattle toys or breastfeed during the two hours we were there. I didn’t learn much new stuff, really – a lot of it was basic stuff I’d already heard, read or experienced myself – and I guess the main purpose of the group is social rather than educational. Though one session will involve baby massage and another weaning, so I may learn something new then.

An excellent way Ian’s found to calm Jessica down when she’s upset is rocking her on his lap this way around:

Trying to help Jessica lie on her front involves rolling up a towel or blanket:

As she is getting more and more bored with lying on her back, Jessica is enjoying sitting in her baby bouncer instead, so I put her in it a couple of times a day. Sometimes she likes just sitting there on her own, looking out over the room and making little noises to herself, sometimes I sit down with her and we have a ‘conversation’ or I sing to her: she likes “Imse vimse spindel” (‘incy wincy spider’), which I do complete with hand movements, and very often smiles broadly or giggles when the spider is up at the top.

Gabriella

Yesterday (Friday 18th) was Jessica’s first time on a train. Nothing too far afield: only a 7-minute journey over to Horley. At Redhill station I had to walk all the way around the back to get to the platform with the pram, but at least there IS a way to get to the platforms avoiding stairs and a ramp to get into the main station and ticket office – the situation wasn’t as great at Horley station. I didn’t have to stare despondently at the staircase there for too long though (literally a matter of seconds), before a fellow passenger asked me if I needed a hand and helped me carry the pram. The same happened on the way back, and people gave me a hand getting off and on the trains too without me having to ask. (In general I’ve been quite impressed by how helpful people are when you come along with a pram: I keep getting doors opened for me whenever I’m down the shops.)

We were going to Horley to visit one of our friends, Cara, and her 13-day-old (!) baby girl Daisy. Jessica didn’t seem to mind the journey much – she wasn’t laughing or giggling but wasn’t cying at any point either, just looking around herself with a puzzled expression on her face, frowning a bit. Must have been so many new sounds, smells and impressions to take in. I stayed standing by the pram in her field of vision, just in case, but there was no need to comfort her. When we arrived at our destination, Jessica was asleep so I left her in her pram in our friends’ garden, where she carried on sleeping for over an hour. The day was a bit blustery but nice and sunny, and it was great to be able to leave her out in the fresh air. (As we only have a balcony, we unfortunately can’t do that at home.)

Little Daisy was so tiny compared to Jessica…! Three months almost feel like a life time and I guess I’ve forgotten how small Jessica was when born. But Daisy’s birth weight was also less than Jessica’s, so Daisy would have a bit of ‘catching up’ to do anyway. Cara and I talked about taking a picture of the two of them next to each other, but we didn’t get around to it yesterday – next time, though! Obviously, we’re hoping that the two of them will grow up to be friends. We’ve been pretty lucky, actually, with a fair few babies being born to friends and family within less than a year of Jessica. When she’s old enough to start interacting with other children, there’s every potential for her to have a rich social life…!

Jessica and I spent the whole of the afternoon with Cara and Daisy. When Jessica woke up, before 3pm some time, she was hungry, wanted to feed for ages and was a bit grizzly with it, plus threw up a fair bit (which can feel a bit awkward when it’s not your furniture…). Cara did get a smile or two though, I’m happy to say, plus a bit of a chat. In the early evening, when we were back home again, Jessica was a bit extra grizzly too. Maybe the train journey together with the complete change of scenery for the afternoon threw her a bit – the only one who could say would be Jessica… Babies thrive on routine but you also need to introduce different things and other people. Hopefully she’ll grow into a sociable little girl.

Gabriella

After my Pilates class this morning, I hurried back home and Ian’s Mum and I got Jessica ready to quickly pop down to the health visitor clinic to get Jessica weighed. She’s 3 months this week (12 weeks yesterday Tuesday and 3 calendar months on Sunday), so I wanted to know her weight so I could put it in the baby book we’re filling in for her. She’s now 6.59 kilos (14lb 7oz), which still is perfectly fine according to her previous development. I did ask if they’d mind measuring her length too, as she’s grown so much and I’m curious plus I wanted to put that too in the baby book, but as she wasn’t officially due to have that done they said no – in a nice way, but still… So we’ll have to do it here at home.

Jessica with some of her toys:

Jessica still seems fine after the jabs yesterday. Her grizzliness from two days ago has continued, though. Hopefully – if it is my milk production lagging behind Jessica’s demand – it will sort itself out in not too long. I asked the health visitor who had the shift at the clinic about this, but she misunderstood me and started talking about it being a choice between Jessica feeding more often during the day and having a longer sleep at night, or going longer between feeds during the day and then not sleeping through as much… So we completely got our wires crossed – that’s the problem when you’re speaking to someone who doesn’t know your situation. I didn’t worry about persisting in explaining but will give ‘my’ health visitor a call and see what she says instead.

Did get some helpful advice about something else, though. Ian and I had noticed Jessica’s left knee and ankle clicking when we’ve changed her nappy and held her and she’s moved her leg: you can’t hear it, but feel it. Even though Jessica doesn’t seem to be in any pain or distress over it (or even notice it for that matter), we were a bit concerned. But the health visitor at the clinic said that this was probably due to Jessica’s ligaments still being loose, as she’s still growing, and will most likely sort itself out with time, as her legs grow stronger. The health visitor did, however, suggest that if we were worried, I make an appointment with one of the GP’s when we come back for her next lot of jabs (in one calendar month’s time).

A couple of photos of Jessica with her farmor:

Thank you for the reassuring advice regarding settling for the night, Andrea (comment against entry ‘Sleep’). It makes perfect sense not to make it too complicated. Advice in books have these long lists of things to do in the process of putting a baby to bed and it seemed like we were supposed to be spending half the day (well, certainly all of our evening) going through an elaborate bedtime procedure. At the moment it takes about an hour and 15 minutes from the nappy and clothes change to Jessica falling asleep, which I think is reasonable, as it also includes an extra large-ish feed. As she falls asleep around 9.15-9.20pm, Ian and I get a little bit of time together before we go to bed too – very important! Maybe that’s the biggest change when one becomes a parent: not getting to be just the two of you much anymore.

Gabriella

Jessica’s cold got better yesterday, with no more runny nose or sneezing. Yesterday was, however, a bit of a frustrating day for both Jessica and me: she was cranky and wanted to feed every two hours, but her signals for wanting food were a bit confusing. It made me think that maybe she was having some sort of a growth spurt, wanting more food than I could produce and kept being hungry and miserable for it. We solved this by giving her a bit of formula to top up.

Today she seems much better – well, at least so far. She slept through until 5.30am again, which consequently meant that I had plenty of food for her in the morning. I had to be a nasty Mummy, though, taking her to our surgery for her 12 week immunisation jabs… I’d managed to get a different nurse this time and she didn’t make as much of a spectacle of it, was just friendly, reassuring and matter-of-fact. She had an assistant with her, who paid Jessica some attention while the nurse was going through the different jabs with me (it was diphtheria, tetanus, whooping cough, HIB, polio and meningitis C this time), and Jessica smiled at, talked to her and completely charmed her…! (The assistant was saying how very aware Jessica seemed of her surroundings.) I held Jessica in my arms like last time (but no hysterical shout-singing, thankfully) and she started to scream when she got the jabs in her thighs but I kept cuddling, stroking and kissing her. Afterwards it was time for her next feed so, just like last time, we got shown to a quiet side room where I could feed her. After the feed Jessica was all smiles and gurgles again. I’m keeping an eye on her today of course, but as she had no reaction last time (though the nurse today said that perhaps Jessica getting so ill that time we had to go to hospital could have been the result of her having something in her system already which got aggrevated by the jabs), so we’re hoping she’ll be fine this time too.

It seems Jessica’s made herself a new friend… She’s started to pay extra attention to the octopus toy in the baby gym, staring at it intently for ages, smiling and laughing at and even talking to it. It’s a bit odd and very interesting to see. Maybe it’s the bold, round, forward-facing eyes – babies are apparently meant to prefer seeing both eyes of a face at the same time, I guess that way they know you have their full attention. Am curious as to whether/when Jessica will realise that the octopus actually isn’t actively communicating back…! Another toy to which Jessica’s relationship has changed slightly is the rainmaker rattle. When we turn it over in front of her now, she’ll jerk a bit (not out of surprise or fright), pull her fists up in a boxing pose and bop it! Not sure why this is, apart from that she in general seems to reach out more purposefully nowadays: she’ll look at something and then reach out and touch it, rather than just generally flaling her arms and randomly hitting things. We’ve noticed, however, that it seems to be her left hand mainly that does these things – does this means that she’s left handed…?

She feels more ‘solid’ now to lift up and to carry, not as fragile – her neck is stronger and she supports her head much more herself, so I’m not feeling as worried about supporting every little bit of her all the time. Will be fun when she can sit up without support, but I’m sure that’ll come around soon enough and I won’t wish her life ‘away’ by wanting everything to happen too soon…

Gabriella

We received Jessica’s passport the other day. Strange to see her name and picture on an official document as a British Citizen. Feels a bit odd that I should have a British baby… But then of course she’s Ian’s baby too and this is where she was born. And we’ll bring her up bilingual – already from start we’ve been speaking our different languages to her, trying to keep it consistent: Daddy speaks English and Mummy Swedish. We feel she should hear both languages from start in order to train her ear to all the different sounds, as some aren’t used in both languages. Hopefully she’ll get the best of both worlds.

A rare photo of Mum and Jessica:

Gabriella

Unfortunately Jessica’s got a little bit of a cold. If anyone’s getting worried at this point, please don’t be – apart from a bit of a runny nose, sneezing more than usual, extra tired and a bit cranky for it, she’s nowhere near being like she was when we had to stay overnight in hospital last month. Her cold started the day before yesterday and we’re of course keeping an eye on it, including checking her temperature a couple of times. But she’s been alert, chatty and giggly daytime in between naps, feeds well and enjoys playing in the baby gym, so we’re not too worried at the mo.

Yesterday evening Jessica’s farmor and farfar babysat her again for us, while Ian and I walked over to Reigate to watch a film. This time, they had to settle Jessica for the night, which was a first. I briefed Ian’s Mum a bit on how we’ve decided to do the routine, but we were all prepared to be flexible about it, partly because of Jessica not being completely well and partly because different people simply will do things differently. A day off from the routine we we’re sure wouldn’t hurt anyway, and Ian’s parents have obviously brought two children up successfully, so it’d be silly of us to think they wouldn’t know what to do. And by all acconts it went very well – Jessica was sound asleep when Ian and I got back home.

It’s absolutely chucking it down out there; Ian’s out for a few hours, down one of the Redhill pubs to see how Wolves do in the playoffs, and I would’ve wanted to take Jessica out for some fresh air but am reluctant to take her out in all that damp, so we’ll pass for today.

The night before yesterday (Thursday 10th to Friday 11th) Jessica slept an amazing 9 hours! Straight through from 9.15pm to 6.20am…! That’s her longest sleep ever. She was a bit restless in her cot for the last hour and a half in the morning and at 4am she cried out in her sleep (which woke me up though she seemed to carry on sleeping unperturbed). Nights of solid sleep are not the norm, though: last night Jessica woke up for that more rare 2am feed and took a little while to settle again afterwards (though I’m happy to say she managed to go to sleep herself in the cot and not in my arms) – possibly partly due to the fact that she slept for a few hours during the early evening, something we normally try to avoid: we actually had to wake her to put her to bed, which felt kind of silly…! Though, to be fair to us, we still needed to change her nappy and clothes for the night and give her that last feed, so it wasn’t a completely pointless exercise.

We’ve done the bedtime routine twice more now, and both times she’s taken only about 15 minutes to go to sleep after being put in the cot and both times she’s gone to sleep about 9.15pm. Yesterday evening I didn’t stay by Jessica’s side to watch her fall asleep but after a few minutes I said goodnight, kissed her on the cheek and left her in room with the nightlight on. I’m not sure whether my presence distracts her and just makes her want to chat and play instead of going to sleep.

Another thing I’m not sure of is what to do after her last feed before I put her in the cot… I need to keep her on my lap for a while – hold her sitting upright for ten-fifteen minutes to help her food not bouncing, and also because I’ve read that if you put the baby to bed straight away after a feed they might make the association food/sleep and start to become dependent on having something to eat in order to settle every time. But the ‘problem’ is that I then risk her drifting off in my arms and I don’t want to put her in the cot already asleep – apart from that I’ve read that it can be confusing and distressing for a baby to find herself alone in her cot when last thing she remembers she was with her mum or dad, I also don’t want her to start becoming dependent on being in someone’s arms to go to sleep. So I probably have to avoid, say, siging a lullaby while she’s still sitting with me. But at the same time, I can’t do anything too excite her too much…

Oh, there’s so much to ‘worry’ about, isn’t there…? I’m sure we’ll work it out.

Yesterday early evening Ian’s Mum was babysitting again, while Ian’s Dad drove Ian and I over to Horley to view a flat. It was nice enough, all the white goods and floors seemed new and we met the landlord, who seemed friendly and helpful. But it was too small, not enough storage space (including absolutely nowhere to put a pram) and without that small garden/patch of grass that we so wanted for Jessica. So it had to be no and we’ll have to keep looking.

Just a final note for today: in the last week Jessica has started grabbing things between her fingers. I’m sure it’s not really deliberate, but she’ll often grab hold of the edge of a muslin when I feed or burp her, her bib (and flap it up and down a bit, which is quite funny), the neck of my top while I’m breastfeeding, and I’ve also seen her grab hold of one of the tentacles of the soft toy octopus in the baby gym.

I mentioned before that her fist will go into her mouth quite a lot – sometimes as part of the message ‘I am hungry’ and sometimes after she’s thrown up (perhaps to try to take away the nasty taste…?) but mainly, it seems, just because she fancies it – but today she was very chatty for a while, and persisted in talking whilst chewing her fist at the same time… Full marks for effort, and she was absolutely adorable too (when isn’t she, though…?).

Gabriella

It’s 11am and I’ve already been out with Jessica in the pram for a one-hour stroll today…! Around 15 degrees out there and blustery (have just hung another lot of washed muslins and baby vests on the balcony to dry – we go through them very quickly, as you can imagine…!), but as rain’s supposedly on the way I wanted us to get out for some fresh air as soon as possible. I prefer to walk away from busy streets, so we went up on Redhill Common and then back home through a quiet part of Reigate.

Jessica woke up as we stopped on the Common and, as it was overcast most of the time again today, I folded the hood down as we walked across and down the hill again on the Reigate side. She quietly studied the tree tops and sky that passed above us for quite a while, carefully sucking her fingers every so often. I wonder what she made of it all… After a while she fell asleep again and she’s still sleeping in the carry cot back in the flat now as I write this. (Regarding the muslin in the photo showing the pram below: on advice from our friend Anna we hang that from the top of the hood of the pram to shield Jessica from the sun when needed – we haven’t yet decided what to buy for a more permanent solution, as we’ve heard not so good things regarding parasols and the canopes we’ve been looking at seem to be mainly for buggies and not prams…)

Partly I was hoping that the fresh air would aid Jessica’s sleep. Not that she’s not sleeping well, (last night she slept from 10pm to just after 5am again), but we’ve just started to try to develop a bedtime routine for the evening and my thoughts were that maybe her feeling nicely tired and going to sleep more quickly would help her take to our routine sooner… Worth a try – fresh air is always good, at any rate.

What we’ve done so far is to decide on 8pm for when ‘night starts’ – lights go down low or get switched off, we start to speak quietly and if the telly or radio is on we turn the volume down. Jessica’s unfortunately not regular yet with the times when she wants her day and evening feeds, but 8 pm seems a good time to start preparing for the night – for the last week or so her penultimate feed has been around 6-7pm and as she’s asked for her last feed only about 1-2 hours after that (she’s always seemed hungrier in the evenings), we want to make sure she’s all ready for bed when that happens. So after 8pm we change her nappy and clothes, then Ian sings to her for a while, while I prepare the bedrooom (bringing the nightlight through from charging in the study, pulling down the blinds and curtains, and folding her blanket back in her cot). Then when she’s ready for something to eat, Ian brings her through to the bedroom, where I first give her a bottle of milk I’ve expressed earlier (usually in the early hours of the morning when I seem to produce more milk than she needs – isn’t it bizarre…) and then breastfeed her until she’s full.

We always wait a little bit if we can before lying her flat when she’s eaten, as a fair bit of her food otherwise tends to come back up again quite quickly. So after her last feed I sit with her on my lap for a while, before putting her in her cot. So far, I’ve sung her a lullaby for a little while and sat beside her cot, as she tends to protest about being put there. It’s quite funny, actually, how she’ll force her eyes open when having been put in the cot, when only before the nappy change she quite happily dozed off in our arms! Between the nappy change and her finishing feeding it’s been 1 – 1.5 hours, so she should be even more tired at that point…

Both nights it’s taken her about 20-30 minutes to fall asleep while I’ve been sitting by the cot. I was hoping it’d be enough for me to sit with her for a few nights, just to get her used to the idea and to not make her feel abandoned. But I’m not sure what’s advisable for me to do while I sit there. I assume I shouldn’t interact with her too much, as that would just encourage her to try to play (she has started talking, gurgling and laughing and I struggle not to smile and talk back as she’s so adorable and I feel I can’t just ignore her…) and I want her to be ‘bored’ enough to just drift off to sleep. But if she starts to cry, what is the best thing to do? I have taken her back up once or twice to attempt to burp her and then put her straight back again. I guess this is one of those things that people and experts have widely differing opinions on: whether I should let her cry or not, whether I should stay by her side or walk out of the room, etc.

We’ve only done this for two nights so far, and would like to introduce a bedtime story somewhere too, although that should maybe be later when we have an exact time for her last feed and can time it according to that. Plus maybe we should wait until she’s old enough to appreciate the fact that we’re reading her a story, but I can’t see the harm in reading to her anyway… (As you can tell, we’re not doing any evening bathing – too time consuming and feels unnecessary, plus, as my aunt Anette pointed out, it can dry the baby’s skin out.) Ultimately, we want her to be able to go to sleep on her own, without needing to be fed, sung or rocked to sleep or needing one of us to sit by her bedside everytime until she falls asleep. If anyone reading this has any suggestions to how we can adjust the above to get this result, please let us know!

Gabriella

A bit of a dull day today weather-wise, but quite refreshing. Went out for a walk with Jessica in the pram this afternoon but only down to the post office and local supermarket, so not that much fresh air for Jessica unfortunately. I had a bit more exercise myself earlier in the day – Ian’s Mum came over to babysit Jessica while I walked over to my post-natal Pilates class in Reigate. As I missed out on the whole class last week, I thought it was best not to take any chances… Also, as it had been a little while since Jessica and her farmor saw each other, I was hoping everyone would enjoy the arrangement.

And when I got back they seemed to have had a good time together. Jessica had been little bit cranky in the morning, possibly due to a slightly restless night – the night previous she slept through from 10pm to 6.15am (!) but last night she woke up for a feed at around 3am and was tossing and turning a bit in her cot from around 5am – but when she saw her farmor she cheered right up! Jessica isn’t yet at that age when only Mum will do – to be brutally realistic about it, she probably doesn’t mind much at the mo who’s feeding, burping and cuddling her, as long as someone does…! But I’m sure she still recognises people, voices and smells. And she’ll start having her preferences sooner than we know it.

Gabriella