Jessica’s blog.

Just wanted to share a few photos from yesterday, including a couple of her smile…

Gabriella

The downside of working so far away from home is that evenings consist of getting home between 7.30 and 8, which depends on trains and whether I need to go food shopping on my way back from the station. Then when I’m at home, I have to eat dinner then prepare for work the following day. This only gives me at most 30-40 minutes with Jessica before going to bed.
Yesterday morning I got to spend some proper quality time with the Milk Monster and I loved it. Gabriella had just finished the early-morning feed and was just coming back to bed at 8am. Jessica was, in her usual adorable way, making snuffling, gurgling and grunting noises and didn’t really show any sign of going back to sleep. Wanting Gabriella to get some more sleep, I carried the little one through to the living room and put her on the settee whilst I prepared even more food. Jessica fed for over an hour in total, but she very kindly allowed to get some breakfast myself, by taking short breaks from the bottle. Once full (it does happen apparently!), she happily laid in my arms looking at me with her big, blue eyes. She’s definitely deliberately looking at people, focusing on their faces (Gabriella and I are pretty certain that she’s watching our mouths) and smiling a lot.
By the time Gabriella got up, after her first decent lie-in in ages, Jessica was lying on her baby gym being adorable. I did shoot some video footage and hope to upload it to Jessica’s gallery on our main website (there’s a link – not surprisingly – under Links on the right menu).
Being keen to show Jessica all the fun bits on the baby gym, I started shaking and pressing things for her amusement. Pressing one particular ‘button’, which, unbeknown to me happened to be a squeaker, was right next to Jessica’s ear, caused the little mite to jump and look really startled. Another lesson in parenting learned here – don’t press things that you don’t know what they do in very close proximity to a small child! No harm done thankfully…
Jessica had her first lesson in IT yesterday. The wireless connection between the two PCs wasn’t working. Keen to introduce her to modern technology, I sat her on my lap whilst investigating the problem. I carefully explained what it was I was doing and why, but for some bizarre reason it didn’t seem to interest her, in fact she dozed off in my arms. I’m sure that was because she’d finished another feed only 15 minutes earlier and was nothing to do with the subject matter…

Anyway, I need to sign off now as Jessica’s farfar and farmor will be here shortly.

Ian.

Just a quick note for today, to say that I called the hospital regarding Jessica’s urine test and was advised that there were no traces of any infection – everything was fine. It’s good that they want to double-check to make sure, but it does make one worry just a tiny bit…

Gabriella

On Tuesday the 20th of March, Jessica was exactly one month old. Wow! Can’t imagine she has been with us that long, though on the other hand I sort of can’t imagine now what life was like before her arrival…

That day the health visitor came around again about lunch-time, for a chat to see how things were and to weigh Jessica again. She’s now 4.64 kilos (for you ‘imperialists’ out there, that’s apparently 10lb 13 1/2oz). Her weight gain is in line with her previous growth so far, all very healthy and steady.

I told the health visitor about my decision to not breastfeed anymore, as Jessica still isn’t taking to it. Jessica either ends up very frustrated (thrashing about, shaking her head from side to side and getting her hands in the way) or simply gets bored and just lies there in my lap looking lost. Either way, she doesn’t get the food she needs from feeding from the breast. So I’ve decided (finally, after much procrastination…!) to skip that part of the process completely and express my milk instead to feed her from a bottle. That way she still gets all the nutrients I am, after all, able to give her but we avoid unnecessary frustration and time-wasting trying to force a way of feeding that just isn’t happening. The health visitor was supportive of my decision and didn’t insist on me persevering with the breastfeeding; something I hadn’t been sure of whether she would or not.

As an additional result of my decision on feeding, I found that it loosened a knot in my stomach that I hadn’t realised before that I’d had… I’d felt stressed and guilty about not being able to breastfeed Jessica, perhaps especially as I’d been so set on it from start, already from the early days of the pregnancy – I’d simply assumed I’d be able to do it. But, as my sister wisely pointed out, the best thing for Jessica is a happy, relaxed (and preferably also, at least slightly, rested) Mum. Whether she drinks her milk from a breast or a bottle is less important.

Jessica and I spent a very pleasant afternoon visiting Anna in Reigate, and on my way back I popped into a newsagents in Redhill to get some biscuits. The newsagents was all dark and it turned out there had been a power cut – according to the lady at the till this affected parts of Merstham, Reigate and Nutfield as well as Redhill. When we got back to the flat nothing would switch on. It was quite a cold day and the flat was getting colder, with no possibility to turn on any of the boosters on the storage heaters. Also, I was very fast running out of clean, sterilised bottles for Jessica’s food (a big, obvious disadvantage of not breastfeeding)…

If it had only been me, I would’ve just wrapped a blanket around myself, lit a few candles and spent the evening snuggled up in the sofa reading a book, but things felt a lot more serious with a little baby, who would need to be kept warm, safe and fed. Ian’s parents were away for a few days but I texted Ian’s sister, who is staying with them at the moment, and she said they were unaffected by the power cut and we were very welcome to spend the evening there. After discussing things through with Ian, Jessica and I ended up spending the night in Ian’s parents house, whereas Ian stayed in the flat to keep an eye on when the electricity would come back on again. I guess in the back of our minds we also hoped that he might be able to catch up a bit on sleep, too…

The power was back on late that same evening, which at least meant that the storage heaters were able to charge up overnight for the following day, when Jessica and I returned to the flat. Events like this makes one certainly realise how ridiculously dependent we tend to be on things like electricity… As it happened, we were of course fine – actually, it was quite interesting staying somewhere else overnight with Jessica and finding out that we were coping fine with that too.

Gabriella

Just a brief note regarding Monday 17th March, as this is the first day we can be sure that Jessica is able to smile with intent now and not just as a result of random facial movements! She’s been smiling pretty much every day of her life so far, so Ian and I weren’t sure at all how we would be able to tell whether she ‘meant’ it or not…

In the afternoon, I put her in the baby gym our friends Roger and Lesley-Anne have lent us and she seemed to really enjoy it! Whether the amusement was from all the bright colours and fun shapes or just the ability to make dangling soft toys swing when bashing them I couldn’t say. But she kicked her legs and waved her arms very energetically and seemed very pleased when she managed to hit the octopus or the little rainbow (well, probably mostly by accident, as I’m not even sure she’s aware those are HER arms and legs…) hanging above her. Her smile was broad and fantastically lovely, showing off the cute little dimple on her left cheek, and when I spoke to and smiled at her she smiled at me too and made little happy-sounding noises (not quite a laugh).

After about ten minutes the excitement seemed to get a bit too much for her and she started to grumble a bit, but it was great fun while it lasted! The photos I took when she moved came out too blurred, as it was a dull day and I didn’t want to fire off a bright flash in her face, but below are a few from when she was having a bit of a rest:

Gabriella

Not even a month old, Jessica got me both a card and a box of chocolates for our first Mothering Sunday on the 16th… I knew that our child is a genius, of course, but that is very advanced…! (The card was lovely and the choccies very nice indeed, so two excellent choices, Ian.)

In the afternoon, all three of us went over to Ian’s parents for tea and cake – Jessica’s first visit to her farmor and farfar (paternal grandparents). As usual, Jessica slept throughout most of our visit. She was passed around the room for everyone to hold in turn without so much as stirring in between laps. Towards the end of our visit she wanted a bottle feed, which her Uncle Tom expertedly took care of, and then a nappy change, at which point her Mum and Dad suddenly found themselves on their own with Jessica in the room. Well, I guess there are certain things only parents are prepared to deal with…

Gabriella

Got a phone call from East Surrey Hospital Thursday (15 March) – one of the paediatricians had had a look at the urine test results from our latest trip there for her jaundice and said that there seemed to be traces of a wee infection. The signs weren’t overwhelmingly clear; it could be a case of cross-contamination from a slightly dirty baby bottom at the time of the test, but with little babies they always want to make sure. If there was an infection, Jessica would need antibiotics and probably an ultrasound test, as her kidneys could be at risk. The paediatrician called my GP to arrange for a urine sample kit to be left in reception for me; then I would have to get a sample from Jessica in the morning and return it to the surgery before 11 am.

Although our surgery is just down the road (it literally takes us a couple of minutes to get from our front door to the reception), with a little baby I suddenly realised things were quite different – I wouldn’t be able to just pop around to fetch the sample kit without bringing Jessica along, which would mean dressing her, as well as deciding on and putting together some type of transport… Decided to call on Ian’s parents to see if they were around and they were very happy to come and watch Jessica while I popped out. As a result, the visit to the surgery was quick (took the opportunity to officially register Jessica with the GP at the same time), and then the four of us spent a few relaxed hours in the flat, Jessica being generally admired and the rest of us catching up on conversation.

The following morning, I spent a couple of hours, in between feeds and nappy changes, gradually getting myself and Jessica ready to go over to the surgery to hand the urine sample in, putting the Baby Björn carrier on and ‘strapping’ Jessica into it on my own for the first time. Now it’s just a case of waiting to hear what the hospital says about the results from the new tests…

Regarding the trapped wind, Jessica hasn’t really complained about that in the last couple of days, which is a bit puzzling. (Maybe that’s only temporaily and she will again today…) Instead she’s been throwing up a lot since Thursday morning. Not a case of ‘projectile vomiting’ and no temperature involved, but it’s meant that regularly during and after each feed quite a bit of what she’s had has come up again, which in turn meant not having a clue of how much she’s actually been able to keep, plus running out of breastmilk and then our back-up supply of formula quite quickly… At 10.30 pm last night (Friday) we were seriously worried that we’d run out of food for our daughter during the night, and after a quick phone call Ian’s sister hopped in her car to give Ian a lift to a 24-hour supermarket at Gatwick for an emergency re-stock…!

From early this morning, though, Jessica has seemed to be able to keep most of her food down, so fingers crossed whatever it was preventing her from holding food down properly has now passed…! A wonderful thing that I want to share with you – although I know this is perfectly normal and to be expected as part of a baby’s development and nothing unique at all – is that Jessica is now spending more time awake not just wanting a feed or nappy change but showing an interest in what’s going on around her. Her big, blue eyes will be wide open and she will, seemingly contentedly, be watching us, our eyes and mouths, and even seem to try to mimic the movements of our mouths when we speak to her. This morning she was following a wafting strand of my hair with her eyes as I was bending over her and when I held her Moomin rattle up and shook it a couple of decimeters (7-8 inches) from her face she watched it with interest. I have already read her the odd story and sing to her regularly (she’s not a very severe critic but seems happy to put up with any kind of singing voice…), and can’t wait until we’ll be able to interact more, play and sing songs together – it’s all very exciting…!

Finally, just wanted to say thank you to everyone who have posted comments on our blog so far – we really appreciate it and please keep them coming! We know of course that our situation as new parents is in no way unique and it’s brilliant to get tips and hear of other people’s experiences. Many thanks for your comment to my last post, Andrea – it’s reassuring to know that you’ve had a similar situation to deal with and obviously come out of it fine: Lilah is lovely. I can see how at every stage of a Jessica’s development everything would still feel new and sometimes a tiny bit daunting to me; that’ll carry on for years and years, I’m sure. But then that’s part of what’s so exciting…

Gabriella

Jessica and I had a day just the two of us yesterday (Wednesday 14 March). My mother and father-in-law were meant to come over in the afternoon but I had to call them back and postpone, as Jessica was being very demanding: as soon as I put her down anywhere to do something else, she complained bitterly. I suspect that she’s suffering from trapped wind (I keep feeling bubbles inside her stomach and she often writhes, tenses up, pulls her legs up to her tummy and goes red in the face before she screams) and perhaps is trying to soothe this by feeding. Which means that there’s a lot of ‘stopping and starting’ – she’ll attach to feed then fall asleep on my lap a few minutes later seemingly not actually hungry – comfort feeding, basically. The reassuring thing is that she isn’t constantly screaming, so I’m assuming we’re not talking excrutiating and incessant pain… Started giving her Infacol again, as this should help ease the trapped wind by assisting her burping, but it does take a while to ‘kick in’ and I’ve been told it doesn’t always work. Our friend Anna told me that a teaspoon of boiled, cooled water worked wonders with her firstborn Gemma’s trapped wind, so I will certainly try that.

The breastfeeding is still a bit so-so, but at least Jessica hasn’t given up on it and does attach brilliantly sometimes. She’s still not getting enough food, though, so I’m pumping lots and there’s the odd bottle of formula too. Thanks very much for your comment on the ‘Feeding skills’ entry, Mia – I really appreciate it! It reassured me that I’m not being a bad or inadequate mum, there’s nothing wrong with topping up from a bottle, and mixing breast and bottle does work. Have found that as a new mum it’s easy to feel very alone sometimes, and what you hear from midwives and health visitors usually is in the realms of ‘in an ideal world’ scenarios, but it makes you think you have to keep pushing and pushing yourself and you’re doing something wrong if your experience doesn’t fit with that…

In the afternoon Jessica and I went out for our first walk together, for a bit of time out from the on/off feeding and some sunshine and fresh air. Funny how the simplest of things can make you feel really apprehensive… Just the thought of bringing the pram down the two flights of stairs and assembling it on my own and worries that the outing would turn into a complicated and time-consuming expedition had put me off going out without Ian for about a week. But it turned out to be a hassle-free and even enjoyable experience! Well, Jessica slept through most of it, but I relished getting out of the flat. Didn’t walk very far: just around the town centre and over to Redhill Memorial Park. Sat down on a bench and felt completely spaced out, mushy-brained and bleary-eyed. Am coping with the lack of sleep but, boy, do I miss our comfy bed and long, lovely, snoozy lie-ins sometimes…!

Jessica’s been smiling very regularly indeed from day 2 – it’s the loveliest smile in the world, with a little dimple on her left cheek, and it completely melts your heart every time…! We know, of course, that it can’t be intentional smiles at this stage – she’s just working out what her facial muscles are up to – but every time I see it I remember why we’re doing this, why it’s so completely worth it.

Gabriella

Yesterday (Monday 12th March) was a bit of a terrible day in a sense, which was mainly my fault… Had a visit from the health visitor around lunch time, which in itself was good and fine. The health visitor completed the hearing test, which had to be abandoned last week, for Jessica’s left ear and confirmed that her hearing was fine on this ear too. Also, Jessica was weighed again, and is now 4.26 kilos, so she is growing at a very good rate. Jessica’s breastfeeding skills have been a bit all over the place lately, this is partly thanks to top ups in the shape of some formula but increasingly expressed breastmilk.

I asked the health visitor for advice regarding the breastfeeding situation and she said that, really, I should feed from the bottle as little as possible to not discourage Jessica from feeding from the breast – the latter is more difficult, takes longer to feed and requires more effort from the baby, so Jessica might decide to reject breastfeeding and prefer the bottle if given the choice. The good piece of advice was to not despair as a lot of babies take up to a month to acquire good breastfeeding skills, and that it could’ve been the jaundice that put a spanner in the works by making Jessica extra sleepy and less inclined to make the necessary effort. The piece of advice that turned out not to be so helpful was that I should persist in trying to breastfeed Jessica and only bottle feed ‘if necessary’.

As a muddle-headed new mum, I made Jessica spend the whole afternoon trying to get full by breastfeeding alone. This left us both exhausted, me unable to do anything else that afternoon (unless I wanted a crying baby as soon as I put Jessica to the side – getting myself something to eat and drink was just about all else I managed), and Jessica unable to satisfy her hunger as the pace at which she was able to feed was not keeping up with the pace at which she was getting hungry again…

The heartbreak of seeing her so hungry finally made me come to my senses and I warmed up some expressed milk I had stored in the fridge from that morning and fed her from the bottle. She gulped it all down and was finally calm and happy… With advice from Ian and my sister, Jessica and I will have a go at the breastfeeding first every time she is asking for food, but I won’t let it go any longer than half an hour to an hour before I feed her from a bottle, if she’s not able to get enough in that time herself. Should it turn out that I have to express milk to feed her from the bottle for the next 6 months, so be it – I’d rather do that than have Jessica go hungry…!

A few more piccies of Jessica. (As a very biased mum: isn’t she lovely…?)

Gabriella

Another day of lovely sunshine last Sunday (11th March), so perfect for putting Jessica in the pram and walking over to Reigate for the christening get-together at our friends Phil and Anna. Jessica’s first time in a dress, as we felt it was a good occasion to look a bit extra smart, but we realised quite quickly that dresses on babies aren’t great from a practical point of view – it kept riding up whenever we picked her up or she wriggled about so we kept having to pull it down to save it covering her face. Perhaps best avoid dresses until she’s walking…

At the party – which, thanks to the amount of energetic toddlers and children, was a pretty boisterous affair – Jessica was, to her parents relief and delight, as good as gold and much admired. There was actually a queque of people waiting to have a cuddle with her…! Stuart confessed to an impressive track record of being able to make any baby scream by simply holding them, but Jessica put him to shame – she didn’t stir at all while in his arms.

All three of us managed to get something to eat and drink and it was nice to be able to be a bit more sociable again. But I must confess that I wasn’t the most eloquent conversationalist – my brain felt a bit fuzzy from lack of sleep and half the time I couldn’t quite find the words I needed (and did forget a name or two)… With so many parents present, though, all having been at that stage, people hopefully understood.